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They say the longest journey begins with a single step. I must disagree. Before we take that first step we must summon reason and clarity to where our journey is to take us, and find the courage to leave our comfort zone in place of change. Many of us fear change, for it is the mystery of the unknown that has condemned many of us to a life of mediocrity and discontent. The journey must start from within one’s own heart and their desire must be driven by their faith that something better awaits them at the end of their journey and it is the journey itself that will bring them this new passion in their lives. From deep within their hearts to the longing in their souls is a wonderful place where our childhood dreams still dwell. It is in this wonderful state of being that we find our courage, our desire and our lust to live life.

A journey in life is not about running away from our problems. It is a statement of discontent and a conscious conviction that we deserve better and nothing can stop us from pursuing a better and significantly more rewarding life. We must believe that we were not put on this Earth to suffer and constantly struggle. We must believe that not only were we placed here to live an abundant life, but that we will not settle for anything less than complete happiness and peace. Finding a long lost zest for life and loving ourselves enough to believe that we deserve all the love and joy that life has been longing to give us.

We must rid ourselves of all negative thoughts, memories of our short fallings of the past, and any one or anything that may try to stand in our way and discourage us. Just as this is a new journey it becomes our only journey now. We leave the past behind and see everything leading up to this point as learning experiences and from our past we find a new appreciation of even the smallest of blessings on our new journey. Our gratitude fills our souls with new hope and our hearts begin to cherish each moment and every breath. We are alive again, and we’ve only just begun!

The journey begins with a dream of true freedom. We do not fear failure but we welcome this new adventure with open arms and a true belief in ourselves and the wonderful discoveries that await us. We no longer define our lives by our old roles as employees, husbands, wives, parents or any other label. We are individuals with our own dreams and perception of our lives and the life around us. Our relationship with ourselves is a separate yet co-existing journey with those around us. We are no longer controlled by our emotions, we are changing our perception of the world and of ourselves and as that process matures, our emotions are no longer dictated by events beyond our control. We learn to see the things in life that our truly important and let go of all negativity, even to the point of avoiding all negativity so as not to surrender our serenity and positive energy to it. Our journey will be filled with positive thoughts, attitudes, and a wonderful energy that will radiate for all to enjoy and many will benefit from. This is a beautiful gift and it’s yours for the taking.

Since we were children our thoughts and perceptions of the external world have programmed us into believing that the more toys we have the more successful we are. This pattern of thought grows with us and our standards as adults are ones that control our thoughts on how we see our selves. Many of us fall short of our confidence when we place our self worth and success on what we have physically acquired and where we are as far as our careers. We measure our success up against the success of others and we live angry discontented lives with low self-esteem and eventually surrender to the notion that this is my life and it’s never going to change for the better. We still perceive our success to be measured by how many toys we have; the car we drive, the house we live in, our job titles and so on.

The good news is that we can free our selves from the rules of the external world where people live their lives with the belief that it all comes down to the survival of the fittest. A person?s life is not measured by what they’ve accumulated, because material possessions can never guarantee peace or happiness to anyone and rarely will. To live a successful life it must be done from within ones self; a loving heart, a peaceful mind and service to others. When we can step back and take a look at our selves and who we are inside, far from the material matrix we’ve been trapped in our whole lives, then we can honestly and very clearly see what is really important in life and come to this beautiful peace that has lived within us from the beginning. Let go of the past and learn to focus on the blessings of today and the wonderful promises of tomorrow. May you find your true self and realize just how special you truly are. Your journey awaits, enjoy the ride.

If you enjoyed this article, please visit Jay’s Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom.

Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay’s own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourcefull family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites. If you would like to contact Jay, he will be happy to accept your email to him at BOCABOYJAY@aol.com

There are people who have made me so mad, that I wish them bad luck . . . and worse. I envision all kinds of evil events befalling them. And every time I hear that bad things happen to these people I rejoice, but at the same time I feel like maybe I?m less of a civilized person. Now, I?ve found a release for my frustration, while still achieving revenge. That?s the best of both worlds.

I think it?s human nature that we seek revenge when we have been ill treated by people. Most of us think about it and dream about it, but do nothing. But, just those actions of imagining make us feel better . . . without exacting punishment.

When we do hear of bad things happening to those people, we feel better. In reality, our enemies, just like us have bad things and good things happening to us all the time. It?s just that we search out the bad news because it makes us feel better. Just wishing doesn?t really make it so, unfortunately. The bad news may make us feel better for a while, but it can leave a bad taste.

Even though we don?t actually make bad things happen, we always should try to do the right thing . . . like turning the other cheek and loving our enemy. I?ve never been able to do that.

Now, however there is a study that gives me hope. It makes me think that I can be that better person, and still deliver hurtful results.

In a study financed by the Templeton Foundation, Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard Medical School and other scientists tested the effects of prayer for specific heart surgery patients. The prayers were for a successful surgery with a quick, healthy recovery and no complications.

?In the largest study of its kind, researchers found that having people pray for heart bypass surgery patients had no effect on their recovery. In fact, patients who knew they were being prayed for had a slightly higher rate of complications.?
? Associated Press Story - Study: Prayer doesn’t affect heart patients

What was interesting about the study was that one of the control groups received prayer and the individual patients were told they were being prayed for and those were the ones who did worse. They had the highest numbers of complications during recovery. The people praying were only told the initials of the patients, so they could not really pray for particular people with them directly in mind. Just think about the damage they could have done, if they had been able to associate names and faces. This produces all kinds of ?good works? and possibilities.

No longer will I have to wish bad things for people. I have an alternative. I think that I?m going to start praying for people I don?t like. It will no doubt make me a better person. Also, I?m going to send these people an anonymous postcard saying ?I know what you?re going through, and I?m praying for you.? I?m sure they will appreciate it.

Don Doman is a published author, video producer, and corporate trainer. He owns the business training site Ideas and Training (http://www.ideasandtraining.com), which he says is the home of the no-hassle free preview for business training videos. He also owns Human Resources Radio (http://www.humanresourcesradio.com), which broadcasts HR and business training information, program previews, and training samples from some of the world’s great training speakers twenty-four hours a day. You can listen and learn on Human Resources Radio.

When we think about our blessings, we realize that we have so many of them that it would take at least a better part of an hour to write them all down in a summarized way. To save time, instead of writing the name of each person in your family, you would write only: my family.

Now, everyone has hundreds of blessings, no matter how poor or destitute this person may be. No one, not a single person, who can find a blessing, would be so discouraged as to end his or her life. Our blessings are what keep us going and trusting the process of living.

Finding our blessings is only the first step in the process of pursuing happiness. The next step is to thank these blessings for being part of our lives and for impacting us the way they do. This is what I call the ?Gratitude Game.?

Being grateful for what we have; what we see, feel, sense taste and experience; what we are, what we possess (different from what we have: we may have a grand time and yet, we don?t possess it); what we do; what we give and what we receive, is what will put us in such great vibrational level, that there is no way positive things can?t manifest in our lives.

So how do we do this? The first thing is to be aware that the more we appreciate, the more the good things will come to us. Appreciation is the key to achieve happiness and bliss. The universe is comprised of energy, as Dr. Einstein has so eloquently told us. Well, this energy is responsible for what happens to us.

Remember the ripple effect? I am sure you were told when you were young, that, whatever we give, we receive 7 times more. Now, who came up with this story I don?t know. What I know is that I was told many times that you send the ripple out and it will get back to you (this part, of the story I never understood too well because I only see the ripples going one direction!).

In any case, here is the theory: whatever you send will come back to you. Like a boomerang. No questions about this one. This is also called the Law of Cause and Effect, which we have learned in our Physics classes. Other people will call it The Law of Attraction.

So when you send good vibes, there is nothing you can do to prevent them from getting back to you. Nothing. Same with bad vibes, so be aware! Problem is, though, that more often than not, we are sending negative vibrations and we don?t really know how to transform them into positive ones. Enter the ?Gratitude Game.?

Begin by appreciating all your blessings. This is easy, for we (as I said earlier) have tons of them. Then, move on to appreciating things that are happening to you now, this very moment. Observing your surroundings is a great first step.

For example:

1.As we approach winter, the weather is getting really cold. If you are indoors, you will feel warm. It is nice to feel warm on a cold day. Appreciate it.

2.You are walking in your neighborhood and you see cute little dandelions. They are pretty, all yellow, on a grassy background. Appreciate it.

3.You are driving in the evening and suddenly you see the most radiant, humongous, orange moon just rising for you. Appreciate it.

4.You are home resting and see your kitties playing with each other. They are having a grand time and so are you. Appreciate it.

5.You wake up during the night and go to your children?s room. They are all safe and they look so peaceful in their slumber. Appreciate it.

6.You are walking and you find a penny. Oh, yeah! Money! Appreciate it.

7.You hear the sound of rain falling on the roof. It is a great sound. Appreciate it.

8. You go take a shower and the minute the water falls on you, it feels so good? Appreciate it.

9.You look at your family?s photo sitting on your desk. They are smiling and you feel a surge of love for them. Appreciate it.

10.You check you persimmon and realize it is absolutely ripe and bursting with life, ready to be savored. Appreciate it.

Now, you got the picture. It is easier to appreciate our surroundings for they usually give us a good feeling about them.

How do you show your appreciation? I like to say: ?Thank you, God.? That is all. If you, however, feel more comfortable just saying ?Thank you,? by all means, do so.

Or perhaps you can just say ?I do appreciate this,? or ?I am grateful for this.? It is also all right. Whichever way you want to express your appreciation, use it. No one is keeping score. If you can add a feeling to this appreciation, as in ?why? you are so grateful about a certain thing, so much the better.

The important thing is to keep appreciating and when you least expect it, your negative moments will disappear and suddenly, you realize you are truly happy.

? Maria Moratto 2006
Want to have more abundance, health, time, love, fun, and blessings? Visit Prescription For Bliss at http://www.rx4bliss.com, sign up for the newsletter and receive a great gift. Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of The Inner Cure: Healing Your Body, Mind, and Soul.
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Nautre is outside your window, and so is happiness.

When you connect with nature you gain the skill of presence of mind and learn to view what is around you with a new awareness. Nature is both forgiving and teaching. Stop and think how everything you put into your body and surround yourself with daily traveled some path to you from the earth. People being born omnivores obtain energy to maintain the physical body directly from plants the produces, or from other animals.

Our lives depend upon nature, but this is a reason to smile because nature is always there for us. Does not your wakening, your day?s production hours, your winding down, and then your sleep resemble the four seasons? We do not trap sunlight the way plants do, but have you ever felt ?a bit off? during that time of the year when the hours of daylight are fewer then night or on some of those cloudy days?

When you learn a way to tap into the energy that exists in nature you bring in an awareness that is like a little sun within you. Ever notice how some of the sunniest days are some of the happiest. Through awareness exercises surrounded by nature your awareness skills in everything you do are strengthened. Even nature found in your own backyard can take you deeply into a wonderful wilderness where you can see beauty without the use of your eyes.

The life giving sun, the calm of the moon, and the wonderment of plant and wildlife is around us always. Forget about the teeth and claws, and diseases that have dotted pages and fueled horror stories throughout history. Think of the enchantment of a calf that stands such a short time after birth. Remember the soaring in Richard Bach?s book ?Jonathan Livington Seagull?. Think of the flowers that greet the first snowflakes before turning in for winter?s rest, and those that push their way through lingering snow to welcome spring.

In my twenties a wise woman told me if ever I had any problems all I had to do was sit quietly in the woods and if I cleared my mind and listened the winds would carry the answer to me from the trees. I have come up with many solutions and new ideas while quietly sitting among the trees.

Some wildlife demands our respect because of the way in which their defenses have evolved; think of what you can learn from merely observing them ? at a safe distance. While I would never think of a polar bear as a pet, I am in awe at their strength and endurance living in an environment that I could not manage for one day without a lot of technical assistance. Amazing how the cute bundles of white fluffy fur turn into such powerful forms of massive muscles. I have no polar bears in my backyard, but I am lucky enough to over morning coffee have deer,turkeys, and sometimes other wildlife allow me to see them as they sprint playfully across an open area I can see from my kitchen window. Those mornings I receive smiles that turn into happiness that follows my through my day. Start your day with a smile and you will be surprised at how much happiness will flow to you.

To observe nature is to learn from nature. As you allow yourself the time to observe nature in its many forms stresses will begin to vanish and be replaced with smiles.

If ever asked my opinion of the ?perfect couple? I would produce a photograph of a pair of mallard ducks that visit me yearly. They glide in together and scan all around them. Then he stands erect and watchful while she eats, and when finished she stands erect and watchful while he eats.

Different individuals are drawn to different plants and wildlife for no logical reason, but what harmonizes from the universe is not always by-the book logical. Through my herbology studies I have been lucky enough to read books written by different Herbalists that recognize the spirit within the herb. While learning such things as the doctrine of signatures and properties is important, learning how to connect in spirit with an herb has an importance of another level.

Life is beautiful if you take the time to push aside those dark thunderhead clouds and to see the promise of sunshine. Connecting with nature, like Gendai Reiki-ho, Komyo Reiki, healing with herbs, and meditation, does not fall under the headings for faster and easier; under the heading ?whole way of life to make living more worthwhile? they all place in the top five.

For information on ways to connect with nature visit my website at http://www.naturalhealinglearning.com and step on the stone Meditation & Beyond.

Roberta Barnes is Gendai Reiki-ho and Komyo Reiki Shihan/practitioner, and Herbalist. She has reached the highest level in several styles of Usui Reiki Ryoho, both Western and Japanese. She teaches Reiki, meditation, and connecting with nature. She offers Reiki sessions and personalized herb reports in her healing room nestled in the trees in Maine, USA. Visit her website at http://www.naturalhealinglearning.com.

Visibility Challenge:

What do all three of these women have in common?

A personal assistant complained that her senior management bosses regularly stood in front of her desk exchanging dirty jokes ?as if I were invisible.?

A non-working mom lamented that every time she intended to pursue a course of at-home study, one of her children would burst in and interrupt her. She felt compelled to put herself second and tend to their needs. By the time she recalled her intention to do some self-oriented work, it was time to prepare for dinner.

A midlife woman who longs to start a new career is thwarted by her dread of conflict with her long-time boyfriend. He is retired and insists that she be available to him full-time.

All three of these women have neglected to set boundaries. A portion of their time and space has never been clearly defined, designated as belonging to them, with trespassers welcome by invitation only.

Objects in nature without boundaries (just think of the air) are invisible to the eye and the same goes for human beings. That personal assistant had never defined her space; consequentially she feels (and might as well be) invisible.. The mom who has never put up the ?do not disturb? sign is barely seen as a separate person. She is a victim of something I call the ?indispensability ethic.? She too feels invisible to family and friends, unseen as an individual with needs of her own unrelated to her various helper/ service roles. And finally the midlife girlfriend confesses that part of the dynamic of her romance is her man?s daring to cross boundaries at all times. She fears that without that element, much of the passion would be gone. She lacks the confidence to have a spicy relationship on her own terms. It does not come naturally to most women to put up boundaries. Mentor coach Barbra Sundquist puts it this way, ?Sometimes it has to do with a general reluctance to displease. We are not raised to put our own needs first. We are conditioned to be good girls and to expect displeasure if we insist.?

Antidote: The presence or absence of clearly established boundaries is a key factor in visibility work. Once a woman establishes clear boundaries, she exists ? both in terms of visibility and her rights as an individual. She has also granted herself power which she leverage for the benefit of all.

There is widespread confusion about this idea of boundaries: It sounds cold and uncaring and isolationist. In fact the contrary is true: Boundaries refresh relationships by conferring them with a privileged time and place. Setting boundaries restores balance and gives everyone a chance to develop self-reliance. It does not mean hurting someone?s feelings, slamming doors or going off in a huff. It does mean setting limits, valuing your time and your right to autonomy. It also means taking control, saying yes and saying no and learning to draw a line wherever and whenever you need to. The right to do so assumes that you will be loved and needed and accepted without being self-denying, without being available at all costs.

It is the invisible environment of beliefs and ?come-from?s? that must be addressed in the first place. What is this stay home mom?s belief about her roles, her obligations? Where does she ?come-from? when she entertains her own right to privacy and self-care? A belief that self care is selfish, an unexamined need to always be a ?good girl? and make others happy need to be unflinchingly reviewed.

The adult woman who puts her own needs on the back burner to keep her man might reexamine her present day reality. Is she really afraid she will lose a man if she pursues her own goals or is this a leftover fear from the past? Might not a man who is worthy of her welcome this new dimension? Belief in the benefits of boundaries sets up a win/ win environment for all. Women find there is time for themselves and time for others and that respecting mutual boundaries actually improves relationships all around.

Remedies :

1. Examine your core beliefs about boundaries. Ask yourself if your fears of not pleasing others, or not being good enough are reality-based.

2. Replace any fear-based, limiting beliefs with a more expanding belief, such as, ?I can be most useful to others when I put on my own oxygen mask first.?

3. Compose a loving but firm sentence that delivers the message that you are claiming your own time and space. Include a clause as to when you will be available. Be sure to be firm but loving.

4. Come up with variations of the above theme, crafting several, one suitable for intrusive neighbors, the other for friends, parents, husbands ,children. Start with the least passionate relationship (i.e. a sales call, a solicitor) and build up to those which are most difficult (a parent, a spouse, a significant other.)

5. Keep a list of every time you set a boundary and the benefits it offers both to yourself and to others.

6. Remember, it takes time to undo lifelong patterns, Be patient and note even the smallest sign of progress. Don?t be discouraged. Just take the first small steps and others will follow.

Susan Reimer Torn is a certified coach and consultant who loves to write, teach, speak and change lives. Read more about Susan at http://www.visibilityproject.com. Her unique program for baby boomer women has catapulted her to the national scene.. She has been quoted as an expert on midlife women in Time magazine and offers her Be Visible/Stay visible workshops and speaking events internationally. Contact her with your visibility challenges and see a whole new you come to life.

This is the eighth article in our True Power series. If you haven’t been following the series, visit TheARTrepreneur.com to read the foundational material on beliefs before continuing.

?Realism? is Often Severely Unrealistic

Often times when you?re out there, trying to express your own individual vision, you?ll be told that you?re not being realistic, that you need to be more realistic. Being realistic, however, is the biggest con ever perpetrated on the unsuspecting public. What it really means is expect the worst. Being realistic teaches you to look outside yourself for goals and aspirations, defined by who knows who. It teaches you to ignore your impulses. It teaches you, in other words, to create problems. What?s more, it makes you a coward, whispering, Don?t get your hopes up, or you?ll be disappointed.

Let?s take a look at what happens when people are realistic. Meet Steve. Steve has made it. He has a super-successful job as creative director for a popular television series. He has a big house, a new car, a pretty wife and two healthy children. But Steve has a dirty little secret. Steve wants to be a barber. He keeps the desire to himself because he?s afraid his family and friends will think he?s a failure for even contemplating the idea of giving up his high paying job. Instead, Steve takes his misery out on his co-workers, he drinks too much, and he tries, through constant distraction, to drown out his true desire.

Then there?s Sandra. Sandra is a high school dropout, working retail in a less-than-desirable neighborhood. Sandra loves music but, as her family will tell you, Sandra can?t hold a tune: A howling dog could do a better job. Sandra wants to be a singer more than anything, but she keeps the desire hidden, stuffing it down where it festers. Instead of pursuing her true love, she barks at customers who don?t have correct change.

Steve and Sandra believe their desires are unrealistic. Now, many people have given up white collar jobs to work with their hands, and more than a few pop stars can?t sing. In truth, Steve and Sandra?s desires are not at all unrealistic. In fact, the very impulses are supposed to lead them to fulfilling futures. By following those impulses, Steve and Sandra will feel enriched, vital, and radiate enthusiasm even if it leads them to activities other than those of the original impulse. By hiding their desires, they spread their unhappiness around.

The real question is who is defining realism in these situations? There is no one-size-fits-all career or lifestyle. If you can call anything sacred, it would be individuality. No two anything are exactly alike, and this is meant to tell you something. Therefore, no-one but you can know what?s right for you, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to pursue your desires even if it means you?re the most unrealistic person in the world.

Becoming Unrealistic Exercise (1/2 hour)

In this exercise pretend there are no outside opinions from any source whatsoever ? parents, siblings, spouse, friends, T.V., magazines, newspapers, radio, movies, books, internet, etc. It?s amazing how many people create careers out of showing someone they could do it. It?s nice that you proved your sixth grade classmate was wrong when he said you were too stupid to become a doctor, but maybe you never wanted to be a doctor. Thus, for this exercise, turn those voices off.

What do you want to do now? Let your mind gravitate to the ideal lifestyle, the rhythm and pursuits that would make life interesting and energetic. Most people will find that their true desires do not come packaged in glamorous wrappings. They will be quite ordinary pursuits. Just make sure here, whatever you do, that you?re not being realistic.

Next: True Power Part 9: Choose Your Emotions, Choose Life

S.C. Giles is a contributing author of the ARTrepreneur E-Zine showcasing the full True Power Series that focuses on proven techniques to accomplish any goal.

The ARTrepreneur offers articles helping artists focus on proven techniques to accomplish any goal. Read More: http://www.theartrepreneur.com

Copyright ? 2005 Arctic Mouse, Inc. All rights reserved.

I am not talking here about how fast you drive or eat. I am referring to your general life pace. First of all lets define pace: rate of movement, rate of activity, temp or velocity, speed, rate and swiftness. Now that we have that out of the way let?s discuss this rather simple concept as it relates to your life as it moves forward one moment at a time and one day at a time.

Each of us gets a certain amount of life hours (if you live to be 75 you will have had just shy of 750,000 hours of life) Let?s say you average eight hours of sleep a day that leaves you with just shy of 500,000 hours of waking time during your life.

Here?s a thought ? no matter how fast you do things you can?t get more hours. Sure you might live to be 100 and if that?s the case you will have around 600,000 hours of waking hours. It?s hard to think about life in hours, especially when we are dealing in numbers like 600,000. I am confident that most people don?t sit around each night and subtract that days hours to see how many you have left.

What most people do however is rush through everything from the family vacation to their leisurely Saturday afternoon. I have experienced hundreds of people who pass me on the highway at 80 mph only to be waiting at the same light when I arrive there. I have watched people rush through lunch so they can get back to their boring career or job sooner.

The passage of time is insensitive to our goals, needs, problems, challenges, desires and dreams. It just clicks on one second at a time one decade after another at the same rate for each of us. The passage of time doesn?t care whether you broke or wealthy, gorgeous or ugly, nice or rude, a genius or an idiot, male or female or 17 or 71. The real question is not be what is your pace of life, but what are you getting out of it, or giving back to it?

People in their teens can?t wait until they get to their twenties and many people in their forties or fifties yearn for the freedom and adventure of being a teen once again.

Neither you nor I know how many hours we are going to get before we check out of here. But each of us can spend more time focusing on the quality of life?s outcomes, adventures, relationships and consequences than worrying about whether we cram as much into every second as possible.

Don?t get me wrong. I believe in a busy and productive life. I believe in pouring it on from time to time. However, I also believe in the value of slowing down and solitude. An interesting sidebar ? what you learn while in solitude or when operating at a slower pace may help you become even more productive in less time (actually giving you more time for the things you love, are important to you or fun) during your active hours.)

There are those who might be reading this who are thinking, ?Look Tim, I have three kids, a full time job, sick parents, a spouse who is lazy, demanding friends yada, yada, yada. If I don?t rush everything noting will get done. As it is everything I do is half done or could have been done better, but there just isn?t enough time.?

Believe me I empathize with people who have a lot on their plate either by chance or choice. But, this doesn?t change the fact that your life is passing by at 24 hour clips day in and day out. Be careful that you don?t sacrifice things that are important for things that really don?t matter.

Why not rate your general pace of life on a scale. Trust me this is not very scientific and I just made it up. So take it for what it is worth, a device or tool just to trigger your thinking, introspection about how you are living your life.

Here?s the scale.

1 - Your life is moving like a caterpillar on a hot July afternoon.
2 - Your life is moving like a couple of turtles in an uphill race.
3 - Your life is like a new born learning to walk.
4 - Your life is like a relaxing vacation.
5 - Your life is like a ship at sea cruising ahead at twenty knots on a calm day.
6 ? Your life is non-stop activity from sunrise to sunset.
7 - Your life is like a bobsled downhill run.
8 - Your life is like a marathon runner training for the big race.
9 - Your life is moving like a out of control freight train.
10 ? Your life is moving like the shuttle re-entering the earths atmosphere. Now you know why this scale won?t make it into the scientific journals.

Slowing down is not a sign of weakness. Speeding up is no guarantee that you will get more done.

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; Soft Sell, That?s Life, Peace Of Mind, 91 Challenges Managers Face Today and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at www.timconnor.com.

If you’re over 25, you’ve probably received several thousand tips from parents, teachers, and friends. How many of these do you still recall?

I’m well past 25, but after all these years I remember only ten lessons that really helped me. Here they are:

1.Prepare for the future, but live fully in the present moment.

2.The video of life doesn’t have a rewind button. You can’t correct yesterday. You can only do better today and tomorrow.

3.Treat your parents well. Without them, you wouldn’t be here.

4.Try to learn something new each day, and teach something new each day.

5.An open mind welcomes both sunlight and rain. Listen carefully to new ideas, and to people with whom you might not agree. Every person you meet can become your teacher.

6.Life is a cooperative venture. Those who lived before us left us some wonderful instruction books.

7.The three greatest gifts you can give your children are acceptance, encouragement, and preparation. The road of life can sometimes be an uphill climb.

8.Inspire others to read and write better. These are two of life’s most important skills.

9.Nearly everybody you meet is dealing with some sort of problem. Be kind and forgiving.

10.Choose a career that fits your personality, and life goals that help others.

Rix Quinn writes the weekly syndicated humor feature Poor Rix’s Almanac for DBR Media. His latest essay Superpowers is now available for 49 cents from the Amazon Shorts section of Amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EHS880/ref=dp

I live on a beautiful piece of land in rural Wisconsin. When the snow melts and spring emerges, we truly have some of the most beautiful flowers and foliage I have ever seen. In our front yard is a big flowering tree. Each spring, it blossoms with thousands upon thousands of little purple flowers. I imagine the pathway into Heaven must have these trees at its gates. At its peak, the tree actually sounds like it’s buzzing, because every bee within a 10-mile radius, seems to enjoy the tree as much as I do.

We have only spent a couple spring seasons on this property. This year, as I watched this beautiful tree blossom, I vowed to take a picture and capture this beauty. As I drove up the driveway each evening, I kept thinking, I have to take that picture! The tree is only at full peak for a matter of days. When I finally walked outside with my camera, the moment was gone and the flowers had begun to wilt and fall to the ground.

I stared at the tree for a while that day. It was a simple moment that I had missed. A moment that would have only taken a minute or two to capture?but ?living? got in the way.

What a paradox that is. I trust the tree will still be there next spring?but there are no guarantees. We have storms, tornados, there are bugs, etc. What if I missed that moment? What if like other moments in life, it can’t be reclaimed?

What moments have you missed recently? A chance to hug a relative? A chance to listen to a child?s joke (and laugh even when they are telling it for the 100th time)? A chance to enjoy a beautiful day with a walk? A chance to compliment a stranger and enjoy their smile? A chance to tell your significant other how much he means to you? A chance to hold your child?s hand?

For the moments we have missed, let us not be hard on ourselves, but let us learn to capture the moments that arrive today and every day going forward. Moments are life’s magic.

SO YOUR CHALLENGE FOR THE WEEK IS TWO-FOLD:

Recall several ?moments? that you missed. Now make a resolution to ?find a moment? at least 5 times within the next 60 days. Become aware of the magic of a moment?and capture it while you can. Make a Moment Memo in your C.A.N. (Catch-All Notebook). The more you get in the habit of capturing the moments, the more magical moments will come to you.

AND SECONDLY, MAKE A MOMENT (and write in on your calendar!):

One day this week stop at the store and pick up the following:

1. Hershey chocolate bars

2. Marshmallows

3. Graham crackers

(Can you guess where this is going?)

Using a fireplace, grill, or a microwave, have a S?More Night. Every family member gets one or two S?Mores and then sit together and talk and enjoy some family time. If it goes well, try making the last Sunday of every month, Sunday S?More Night!

How to make S?Mores in your microwave:

Break a graham cracker in half and place on a microwave-safe plate. (You can make as many as you can fit on your plate!)

Place ? of a chocolate bar on one cracker piece

Place a marshmallow on the other half of the cracker piece

Microwave for 20 seconds, watching closely. Marshmallows puff in the microwave?so make sure not to over-puff! (Although children will find the mess rather hysterical, so it might be worth it!) Place the two cracker-halves together and enjoy a gooey, delicious, family favorite.

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No matter how hard you try sometimes it seems impossible to stop that restless chatterbox called a mind - doesn?t it? Especially at a time like this, with Christmas right around the corner when there are presents to buy, places to go and people to see. The mental lists are endless and there is never enough time in the week.

When things don’t turn out as you planned, judgmental clatter passes through your head like cars on the freeway. It’s conveniently there to tell you how stupid and worthless you are. Coming at you nonstop, without mercy, it poisons every thought crossing your mind with self-condemnation, feelings of inadequacy and failure. It convinces you that you can’t do anything right and never will. Everybody knows the drill.

Armed for defeat, it gathers reinforcements to thwart any effort you make to override the disgrace and shame you’re feeling. Skillfully, it blocks you at every turn. By constantly reminding you of all the mistakes you’ve ever made it humiliates you into submission. Delighting in proving you incapable it backs up each memory with specific examples of how inept you are at handling situations. This is how depression sets in.

Ever tried to stop it? You can’t. How many times have you wished there were a switch to turn it off? Its ranting is tiresome and painful. Though it’s not an independent entity, it sure feels like it is when it starts beating you up. It totally takes over. Locating an exorcist doesn’t seem too far off at times. When this is happening, finding ways to like yourself and believe in who you are is useless. You’re wondering how this horrible demon of self-doubt ever grew to such proportions.

Then you watch that chatterbox ridicule and sabotage everything you do and realize what happened, how it grew so large. You fight hard but it’s fruitless. The odds against you are staggering because it won’t shut up. Every battle ends up being another lesson in futility. Helpless barely scratches the surface in describing how this feels. The ceaseless racket never fails to destroy concentration or a good nights sleep. Before long, you’re driven to think about drugs to get some relief. It’s wicked.

Have you ever asked yourself how this thing gained the strength to take over? How an obnoxious voice in your head has come to overpower and control you? How such an intolerable amount of self-loathing, self-neglect and self-pity decided to part itself in your brain? Overlooking the fact that you have wholeheartedly accepted this as your reality without question, don’t you wonder how this happened to you?

It’s not by accident. You picked up self-doubt along the way because it wasn’t part of the package when you were born. When you first came into this world you had no problems. You were innocent and pure. Your emotional being was like freshly poured cement. The surface of your soul had no imprints on it. You were free of condemnation. You had no fear and openly took in each new experience as it occurred.

Within a short period of time, things changed. You noticed that different actions created different responses so you stared paying closer attention. You tried hard to figure out what this was all about. Some reactions felt warm and loving. While others made you feel uncomfortable. Figuring how to cope and survive was the utmost of importance.

You had a motive to be loved, valued and supported silently running you and it became important to figure out what it took to get along. As the days went by impressions about how to behave were stamped in your memory. Whether you agreed or not, what appeared successful was categorized and logged in.

Day after day these experiences were repeated, shaping patterns in your life. Patterns that were unnatural to an innocent child who didn’t know any better. Patterns that taught another’s beliefs were more important than your own. Clearly, things did work better when you put them first. You caught on quickly. You learned to put up with things and to stuff how you felt in order to get along. Instead of feeling free to act the way you wanted, you gradually came to believe that coping and self-denial were one and the same. Like learning a foreign language, you mastered what was taught at home.

Over the years your self-denial has formed deep ruts and potholes, making life’s highway a very rocky road to travel. You’ve never stopped to do the work necessary to make sorely needed repairs. The bumps haven’t been smoothed out, at least not enough to make a steady drive on life’s highway. That’s why you fall apart inside when things go wrong and beat yourself up. That’s why you can’t stop eating away at how horrible you are. This really shows up during the holidays with all the family and friends you’ll be around.

You live in the past and don’t realize it whenever you feel down. You’re not aware that it’s time to learn a new emotional language, an emotional language other than what you picked up at home. You’re still practicing what’s familiar. Haven’t you ever noticed the similarity between the people you meet and your family members? You?re all grown up. Times have changed. Yet, you continue to live at home, emotionally anyway. You’re in adult body but constantly attracted to situations that make you feel like you did growing up. Really pay attention to family dynamics this Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza.

You’re living though imprints stamped inside when you were young. The Bible refers to it as seeing through a glass darkly. There’s still a lot of suffering taking place, isn’t there? The way you react hasn’t changed. You’ve just gotten older. Like then, you still believe pacifying people fixes problems. If that had worked when you tried it before, you wouldn’t be feeling this upset or crazy.

That nonstop chatterbox beating you up can’t help itself. Repressed emotions are demanding your attention. You’ve stretched the limit of avoidance. It’s filled to capacity holding all of the garbage you haven’t dealt with over the years, like an emotional holding tank. It wants to be emptied. The attack happens because nothing more can be stored. The unbearable pressure can only be released by taking action.

What type of action is necessary? Learn to emotionally speak a new language. Expand who you are. What was taught at home doesn’t have to be the only emotional language you speak. You are still teachable; you can still learn. It’s time to grow up and move on - the only way to end the insanity. You can stop the agony by risking new experiences, taking changes, speaking up and saying what you feel. Let go. Do the opposite of what you’ve always done. If you want to speak Italian you’re going to have to do a lot of practicing to master it. The same holds true in life.

Here are some guaranteed ways to stop beating yourself up if you’ll just try them. First, start living in the NOW. Cling to right NOW and nothing else. That means not traveling one second into the future or one second into the past. Act as if you are hanging on the edge of a cliff. Clinging to NOW will save your life. It’s the only way to shut up that clap-trap of a mind. Keep yourself there by saying things like: NOW I am driving my car, NOW I am brushing my teeth, NOW I am working at my computer, NOW I am putting my head on the pillow, NOW I am watching t.v., NOW I am talking on the phone, NOW I am crying, NOW I am laughing. Force yourself to STAY NOW. Don’t quit. Don’t give in to anything but what is in front of you to do.

Why does this work? Staying NOW slows down thinking so the mind can’t bombard you with ghastly thoughts. It cuts off communication about the past and stops projection into the future. NOW contains no other thought except the thought of NOW. If you are staying right NOW you cannot have problems. That’s the relief! Milling over problems builds them. Not thinking kills them.

In the moment, this moment, there is nothing that can harm you. Staying NOW is where peace is. If you are tired of agony, do it. Remember the saying, The fields are already white with harvest, but men do not see it. That’s because man is too busy thinking, running, ignoring and avoiding.

After the initial mind-storm had subsided, when you’re feeling a little more settled and relaxed start looking into your thoughts and where they came from. Feel the feelings surrounding them. See if you can find what triggered the mind’s attack. It’s always in there somewhere. One thought at a time, gently, slowly begin by watching them go by. You weren’t paying attention when you needed to, so listen to what they’re telling you. Take the time to acknowledge them. They are invisible and cannot harm you. Then write as many as you can down on paper.

After you’ve done that, look over what you have written. What are you being shown? Is this a pattern from the past? Where is the backlash coming from? What’s pushing you to believe you are worth so little? Face those threatening thoughts. The answer is hidden there somewhere.

Lastly, use your mind to erase fear. Turn it back on itself. Take whatever threatening situation the mind is throwing at you to the worst case scenario. Make it real. Play it up to the hilt. Make the outcome as grim, frightening and awful as you can. You may cry, feel angry, hateful or sick. Keep repeating the scene over and over again until it’s boring to you. Like a movie you’ve seen many times, this defuses the power of your emotions because you are willing to accept and feel them. This is guaranteed to work.

You must face the fact that you feel you were abandoned when you needed to be wanted the most and until this is cleaned up your life is one big reaction. Feel it, accept it, grieve it and decide to heal your wounds.

If you want to experience true peace these techniques will help you weather the storm. Begin somewhere. Take whatever small steps you can to remember how wonderful you are - let this Christmas be the birth of your own new child. The only way that monkey-mind beats you up is if you let it. All your problems can be solved - don’t ever forget that. You aren’t helpless. Don’t act that way!

Armed with only her heart and an idea Pat Zerman founded the Atlanta Center for Attitudinal Awareness. The Center has been providing dynamic personal and spiritual growth opportunities for 15 years. As director, Pat counsels, conducts classes, and publishes a monthly newsletter. She has produced audio and videotapes and made guest appearances on TV and radio shows. Her dedication, caring, and years of experience continue to positively change lives for those who participate in her classes or read her book, Twelve Guaranteed Ways To Stay Miserable.

She received her Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology as well as availing herself of countless books written in the self-help field and a broad spectrum of spirituality based books. Her own difficult life expriences of having an alcoholic mother, the murder of her sister, and her stepbrother’s death from AIDS, pushed her to delve deeply into these writings.

Clients learn to risk loving and respecting themselves by taking action, getting honest about the feelings that run them and are able to work through and dump emotional baggage.