iCampingAdventure.com

Price : $49.97

Features

• Seven-feet by seven-feet, one-room tent sleeps three
• 52 inches of vertical space at center
• Rainfly covers door and windows, mesh vent provides increased ventilation
• Access gear or adjust ventilation with CoolAir port
• Easy-to-follow set-up instructions are sewn into the carry bag

Visibility Challenge:

What do all three of these women have in common?

A personal assistant complained that her senior management bosses regularly stood in front of her desk exchanging dirty jokes ?as if I were invisible.?

A non-working mom lamented that every time she intended to pursue a course of at-home study, one of her children would burst in and interrupt her. She felt compelled to put herself second and tend to their needs. By the time she recalled her intention to do some self-oriented work, it was time to prepare for dinner.

A midlife woman who longs to start a new career is thwarted by her dread of conflict with her long-time boyfriend. He is retired and insists that she be available to him full-time.

All three of these women have neglected to set boundaries. A portion of their time and space has never been clearly defined, designated as belonging to them, with trespassers welcome by invitation only.

Objects in nature without boundaries (just think of the air) are invisible to the eye and the same goes for human beings. That personal assistant had never defined her space; consequentially she feels (and might as well be) invisible.. The mom who has never put up the ?do not disturb? sign is barely seen as a separate person. She is a victim of something I call the ?indispensability ethic.? She too feels invisible to family and friends, unseen as an individual with needs of her own unrelated to her various helper/ service roles. And finally the midlife girlfriend confesses that part of the dynamic of her romance is her man?s daring to cross boundaries at all times. She fears that without that element, much of the passion would be gone. She lacks the confidence to have a spicy relationship on her own terms. It does not come naturally to most women to put up boundaries. Mentor coach Barbra Sundquist puts it this way, ?Sometimes it has to do with a general reluctance to displease. We are not raised to put our own needs first. We are conditioned to be good girls and to expect displeasure if we insist.?

Antidote: The presence or absence of clearly established boundaries is a key factor in visibility work. Once a woman establishes clear boundaries, she exists ? both in terms of visibility and her rights as an individual. She has also granted herself power which she leverage for the benefit of all.

There is widespread confusion about this idea of boundaries: It sounds cold and uncaring and isolationist. In fact the contrary is true: Boundaries refresh relationships by conferring them with a privileged time and place. Setting boundaries restores balance and gives everyone a chance to develop self-reliance. It does not mean hurting someone?s feelings, slamming doors or going off in a huff. It does mean setting limits, valuing your time and your right to autonomy. It also means taking control, saying yes and saying no and learning to draw a line wherever and whenever you need to. The right to do so assumes that you will be loved and needed and accepted without being self-denying, without being available at all costs.

It is the invisible environment of beliefs and ?come-from?s? that must be addressed in the first place. What is this stay home mom?s belief about her roles, her obligations? Where does she ?come-from? when she entertains her own right to privacy and self-care? A belief that self care is selfish, an unexamined need to always be a ?good girl? and make others happy need to be unflinchingly reviewed.

The adult woman who puts her own needs on the back burner to keep her man might reexamine her present day reality. Is she really afraid she will lose a man if she pursues her own goals or is this a leftover fear from the past? Might not a man who is worthy of her welcome this new dimension? Belief in the benefits of boundaries sets up a win/ win environment for all. Women find there is time for themselves and time for others and that respecting mutual boundaries actually improves relationships all around.

Remedies :

1. Examine your core beliefs about boundaries. Ask yourself if your fears of not pleasing others, or not being good enough are reality-based.

2. Replace any fear-based, limiting beliefs with a more expanding belief, such as, ?I can be most useful to others when I put on my own oxygen mask first.?

3. Compose a loving but firm sentence that delivers the message that you are claiming your own time and space. Include a clause as to when you will be available. Be sure to be firm but loving.

4. Come up with variations of the above theme, crafting several, one suitable for intrusive neighbors, the other for friends, parents, husbands ,children. Start with the least passionate relationship (i.e. a sales call, a solicitor) and build up to those which are most difficult (a parent, a spouse, a significant other.)

5. Keep a list of every time you set a boundary and the benefits it offers both to yourself and to others.

6. Remember, it takes time to undo lifelong patterns, Be patient and note even the smallest sign of progress. Don?t be discouraged. Just take the first small steps and others will follow.

Susan Reimer Torn is a certified coach and consultant who loves to write, teach, speak and change lives. Read more about Susan at http://www.visibilityproject.com. Her unique program for baby boomer women has catapulted her to the national scene.. She has been quoted as an expert on midlife women in Time magazine and offers her Be Visible/Stay visible workshops and speaking events internationally. Contact her with your visibility challenges and see a whole new you come to life.