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I Wonder What They’re Thinkin’ Since I Quit Drinkin’
I frequented many bars and drank with a lot of people on a regular basis over the years. I sometimes wonder, but not too often, what my old drinking buddies might be thinkin’ since I quit drinkin’. What are they saying? I can hear it now. I’m a fly on the wall. I can hear them saying, “what happened to Earl?” or “I wonder if drinking killed Earl, I haven’t seen him for years.” or “I wonder if Earl’s in prison, maybe he’s in the big house for vehicular homicide.”
The correct answer is something nobody dare asked, and that is, “Have you seen Earl, maybe he quit drinking?” Then maybe nobody cares at all and nobody’s made any inquires at all. I can care less what they think. They’re not real friends, only former drinking buddies. I don’t miss them, why should they miss me.
Some friends know that I quit, but where are they now? They quit coming around my place to visit me because they know I haven’t any booze to offer them. Some of my real friends visit me anyway. They’re real friends. They are the ones that don’t entice me or run me down and accuse me of being too good for them or being pure. They aren’t the ones that would like for me to fall on my face and relapse. They aren’t the ones that find pleasure in me being a complete failure in life. These are friends worth keeping.
I think it’s funny in a sense, because that’s the way I use to think. “What’s the use of living, if you quit drinking, what’s left to live for?” is a statement I often heard and I agreed with before I quit drinking.
I was strangled and paralyzed when I was drinking. It had a grip on my life I can’t rightly explain. I couldn’t go anywhere without drinking and knowing that booze wouldn’t be offered to me. I’d be sweating without the thought of booze on my mind. I thought I was having fun.
These days of me not drinking are pleasant. I lost a few friends, or were they friends? I am not fearing what happened the night before. I’m not rushing to my window on a hangover to see if my car is at home. I’m not struggling to remember what I did or say the night before. I’m not sweating in my sheets and blankets and shutting the blinds in a quest for darkness. I have no hangovers and pounding headaches. My mind is clear. I’m not making excuses for myself. I’m no longer the life of the party. I must be bored now that I quit drinking. On the contrary, I’m living again.
Now that I quit drinking, I am taking the time to chase and trap moles that are destroying my lawn, pull weeds, smell the flowers, water the garden, cuddle a pet, feed the birds, go to a concert or a sports event that I will remember, listening to my music, getting involved with my hobbies that I use to love. I enjoy reading and writing again. I have fresh smelling clothes and a fresh breath to match. I am no longer being obnoxious and playing the role of a stupid loser. I enjoy camping and fishing for the right reasons. I am calm and rational. I have improved my attendance at work and enjoying my time off to do all of these things.
It’s been three years that I’ve been sober now. I must admit the things that still irritate me a little. These include family and friends expecting me to be something I’m not–a social butterfly. I quit drinking, I didn’t transform my personality. That’s too much work. My focus is not drinking. That is the only thing that matters–my sobriety. I still am my self. How dare people to make me something I’m not.
Paying bills and taxes is another thing that irritates me, but you know something–I have the money to pay them now, although I still cringe. I admit I have turned into a hermit in seclusion, but that’s okay, as long as I don’t take a drink and ruin my life. I am a private person, I’ve always been that way. When I think of boredom, I think of drinking my life away and not living it. That’s boredom to me. I don’t waste my time anymore and wonder what they’re thinkin’ since I quit drinkin’.
Earl D. Erickson is a grateful recovering alcoholic. He enjoys sobriety and what it has to offer. He
enjoys writing true stories about his life. He has lived to tell it all.
Mr. Erickson is writing a book about his turbulent life and struggles dealing with alcoholism, recovery, drug addiction, suicide, anger, grief and the loss of his loved ones and friends. His book is entitled, Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. He hopes that project will be finished by the early part of next year.
Mr. Erickson owns and manages five different websites. Two of them are: http://BobbiesMountain.com, dedicated to his wife, Bobbie, and cancer research. The other is:
http://SqwearlEnterprises.com
Mr. Erickson is a native and resident of Tacoma, Washington.
[tags]alcoholism, enjoying recovery, a better life, a reason to live.[/tags]